Olivia's birth story and her first day in the NICU

On Tuesday, April 8, 2014 at 3:30 pm I went in for my weekly doctors appointment. We had already packed the car with Olivia's bags and our hospital bags. I had been having a little bit of contractions off and on since the week before and I just had this feeling that today was THE DAY! We started out with our weekly sonogram, with tech Erin. We had been doing almost weekly ultrasounds for a while to monitor Olivia's growth. Dr. Hall was running late and was still in a surgery, my nurse who also happens to be my mother in law said we could come back tomorrow to see the doctor, wait and see what time he gets out of surgery or could see a different doctor for this appointment. I felt most comfortable with just waiting to see my doctor. So we waited for probably an hour or so and finally Dr. Hall arrived. When he checked me I was dilated to a 2 and he said he was sending us over to the labor and delivery unit to be induced. At the time I didn't realize that the reason I was being induced was because Olivia had stopped growing, we learned this later into labor. She was now in the 10th percentile and needed to be delivered. My doctors and nurses just thought the reason would be IUGR or a "bad placenta." We went to the car and got our bags, we were so excited and anxious to meet our baby girl for the first time! We called our families to let them know Olivia would be arriving soon and many of them headed up to the hospital. We told Brock his baby sissy would be here soon!! We went up to labor and delivery and got checked in. They got us in a room and our induction process began. They had me wipe my whole body down with a sage cloth, but since I had shaved that morning it irritated my skin. So my legs were red and super itchy for part of labor. We prayed before my nurse came in, for a safe and healthy delivery and baby! Brock and Philip were the only ones in the room with me at this point as we waited for the nurse to come start my IV's. The nurse placed my IV's in my left arm, shortly after Dr. Hall came in to break my water. This was very uncomfortable/painful and it felt like it took some time. They started the pitocin and not long after the contractions were getting stronger and closer together. We sent Brock home to our house with Philip's parents and planned to keep them updated on my progress. This way Brock could be comfortable at home and play until his baby sister arrived and he wouldn't have to see mommy in pain. We took labor pictures together before he went home too. When the nurse (Janet) came in to change out the bedding under me from when my water was broke she noticed a little bit of meconium in the fluid. It was very light, as if it had happened a few days ago. Our nurse wasn't too concerned and explained to us that because there was meconium present that we would have to have a neonatal specialist team in the room for Olivia's delivery. This worried me at first, we had never experienced this with Brock and so of course I was worried and I asked lots of questions. Janet had been Brock's delivery nurse also. Janet explained that the neonatal team would be there to make sure Olivia doesn't aspirate any meconium fluid and that they would be the ones checking Olivia over after she was born. I again prayed. Prayed that delivery would go well, Olivia would be healthy and safe. The contractions were coming steadily at this point and Olivia's stats were wonderful. However, Olivia was laying face up and the nurse said we needed her to be face down. She had me stand at the edge of my bed and lean on the side of the bed. With every contraction she wanted my head on the bed and to arch my back during the duration of every contraction. My husband, Philip was sitting right by me holding the monitors on my stomach so we could still monitor Olivia and the contractions. At this point we let some of our family members come in and visit for a bit. Our family was so excited to meet Olivia too, she is the first granddaughter on both sides of our family! After about 20-30 minutes I was finally able to get back in bed and Olivia was flipped how she needed to be for delivery. The contractions were getting pretty painful  and I kept breathing through them. Trying to keep relaxed and calm. After some time I decided to get an epidural. It took the anesthesiologist about 15 minutes to get to my room. Everyone but my nurse and the anesthesiologist had to leave the room. I pictured this going the same way it did with Brock, you sit on the edge of the bed, they prep everything to get your epidural ready and after the next contraction they begin and then you don't feel the pain anymore, just pressure. This wasn't quite how it went with the epidural during Olivia's labor. I sat on the edge of the bed, after my next contraction the anesthesiologist began, he started with the numbing shot and then went to start placing the epidural which is a catheter placed in your spin. The only problem at that point was the numbing shot didn't numb me enough to not feel the needle and catheter being placed. Now the next contraction has begun, I'm in pain from the contraction and the pain in my back from not being numb. I sat there and reminded myself, this pain is only temporary. Olivia is worth every bit of this pain. They continued with the epidural and finally got it placed. It took a little bit of time for it to really kick in, but it started to work. I tried to relax and just rest, because I knew Olivia would be making her big debut soon. Of course it's impossible to sleep with all the excitement so I did my best to just relax. I prayed periodically throughout my labor, asking God to keep Olivia safe and healthy. My nurse had me laying on my side with a pillow between my legs and one under my belly to help my contractions progress my cervix. Sometime after 11 pm, my nurse checked me and I was at a 9 and it was almost time to begin pushing. Philip told his parents it was time to bring Brock back up to the hospital, and he let our family in the waiting room know that it was almost time. Dr. Hall was already here at this point and they brought in the neonatal team. It seemed like we had 10-15 people in the room at the time, although I don't know how many were really in the room. Then, I was at a 10 and it was time to push!! As I started to push, it was like the epidural stopped working and I could feel more than I had with Brock. But that was okay, I was so ready to hold Olivia in my arms and I continued to push. The important thing at this time was just to continue pushing and deliver Olivia here safely. I don't know how long I pushed, but it was somewhere around 10 minutes or less. At 11:42 pm Olivia was born, she cried a little and they laid her on my chest for a brief moment, while Dr. Hall cut the umbilical cord. Long enough to tell her I love her, and hold onto her tiny body and rub her back as the tears ran down my cheeks. I was so happy to see her sweet face and all the worries from the meconium stained fluid were no longer at the front of my mind. She was here and I just KNEW everything was okay. I literally could not catch my breath after she was here, she took my breath away. The neonatal team checked her over and did her APGAR scores, her first score was an 8, her second score was a 9. Since Olivia cried when she was born, they couldn't suction out her throat. Hospital policy says if they cry, you can't suction them. While the neonatal team continued checking over Olivia, Dr. Hall was stitching me up and congratulating us on our beautiful baby girl. Philip grabbed the camera and took some pictures while they checked her and then weighed her. After what seemed forever, they finally handed her to me. The tears just kept coming, she was SO beautiful and I was so happy to have her in my arms! I sent Philip to the waiting room to get Brock to come meet his baby sister. We wanted him to be the first to meet her after we did, before we would let anyone else come into the room. Brock had been sleeping because it was late at night so he was kind of out of it. He saw his baby sister but he didn't really get to spend much time with her. Since he was so sleepy and it was late at night we let the rest of our family come in to meet Olivia! Olivia was having trouble holding her body temperature, so the nurses had to put her in her bed warmer a couple times to get her temperature back up. Then they would hand her back to me and have me hold her skin to skin wrapped in blankets to keep her warm. Olivia was 5 lbs 8.9 ounces and 18 inches long. They thought maybe she was just having a hard time getting used to being outside the womb. Pretty quickly after they first handed her to me on the outside of her hand, running along her hand and pinky I noticed her hand was discolored, it had a bluish tint. I asked her nurse about this and she said it was probably just bruising. Olivia had some scratches and bruising on her head because when she came out during delivery, she came out sideways. Something inside me didn't feel like this discoloring was "just a little bruising." So I continued to keep asking the nurse about it. I tried to nurse Olivia but she wouldn't latch on. I assumed maybe she was just sleepy, but I knew she needed to eat. I tried to hand express some into her mouth but she still wasn't latching. Since it was so late at night and it seemed like Olivia needed me to just keep her warm, and Brock was upset, Philip went home with Brock to keep him comfortable and would bring him back in the morning. Having a new baby sister would be a big change for Brock and we wanted to make this new transition easy for him and include him in everything. I took a picture of Philip holding Brock next to Olivia, they kissed us both and headed home. The neonatal team would check over Olivia a few more times, keep her in the warmer bed and hand her back to me. Since Olivia still had not nursed yet, her nurses wanted to check her blood sugar levels. This was done in the room at my bedside. While her nurses were checking her blood sugar levels, my nurse had me getting up out of the bed to use the restroom so they could remove my IV's. We come out of the bathroom and I sit in a wheel chair right next to Olivia's warmer bed so I could stay close to her. Her nurses inform me that her blood sugar levels are great. The next thing to come out of her nurses mouth made my heart sink for the first time since having her.. "Olivia's oxygen levels aren't where they should be." While her nurses called her pediatrician, they told me we would be probably be heading to the NICU soon. I called Philip to let him know we may be headed to the NICU, but I wasn't really sure. This was all new to me. At this point they said she may or may not be admitted to the NICU. She might just need a little extra oxygen. I asked the nurse if I could come with her, I couldn't leave her side. A few minutes later we are being moved down to the NICU, I call my mother in law bawling. I was SO scared, I didn't know what to expect. The NICU itself is a "scary place" to any parent just hearing the word NICU, let alone when YOUR brand new baby girl is now going to the NICU. They let my nurse wheel me in the wheel chair down to the NICU with Olivia. It was about 2 am when we got there. I kept trying to call my husband and my dad to have them head back up to the hospital. Neither one were answering. My father in law heads to my house to send Philip back up to the hospital and he would stay with Brock so he could get his rest. My mother in law gets to the hospital and sits with me at Olivia's bedside. We sat there bawling, wondering whats wrong, whats going to happen?Through the tears I asked my mother in law to call our pastor and have Olivia placed on prayer chains. I couldn't help but think back to the discoloring on her hand that I had been asking about, since her oxygen levels weren't where they needed to be surely that wasn't JUST bruising. Olivia's NICU nurses and Dr's come over to talk with me. They explain that maybe Olivia is just having trouble getting used to being outside the womb, they were going to try something called a "hood." It is basically a little thing that goes around Olivia's head that looks like a space helmet, it's a way of getting Olivia extra oxygen. At this point she wasn't being fully "admitted" because they thought she would just need some extra oxygen and then we would be going back to our room. My husband arrives back at the hospital and we sit together at Olivia's bed side. I didn't know what to do, I was so worried. I sat next to Olivia holding her hand, crying, praying to God. Her Dr's order some x-rays of Olivia's chest, they wanted to take a look at her lungs. Olivia's WBC count had also came back high, so that indicated an infection. At this point they didn't know if it was caused by the meconium or something else. So they started her on an antibiotic to cover all bases. Her oxygen levels still weren't really where they need to be so her Dr's tell us they need to put Olivia on CPAP. Basically the same concept of the hood, except CPAP goes on Olivia's nose to deliver the oxygen directly into her. We sat with Olivia all morning, I continued to hold her hand and talk to her. I wanted her to know we were right there with her and how much we love her. I had the nurses bring the breast pump to Olivia's bedside and I pumped right next to Olivia. I had breastfed Brock for 15 months and I had already planned on breastfeeding Olivia. I knew the importance of breastfeeding before, but Olivia being in the NICU made it THAT much more important that she breastfed, she would really need it. She was awake and moving around, the CPAP nose piece had to be held on by two straps that went around her head so it was hard for her to open both eyes, the straps went right under her eyes at her cheek bones. Olivia was able to completely open her right eye and could halfway open her left eye. She couldn't cry though because there was a tube in her throat. This tube was so they could suction Olivia's throat and airway to insure no fluids were blocking her airway. They let me get a little sponge on a stick, put some water on it and let Olivia suck on it. She was actually sucking on the sponge and getting the water. This was wonderful, she was able to suck now. We thought this was a great improvement, she had antibiotics and extra oxygen, maybe she was starting to feel better. Her oxygen stats still weren't where they needed them to be, they fluctuated up and down but she was being monitored. Her nurses let me change her diaper and check her temperature too. Then her nurse asked me if I had been able to hold Olivia yet, I explained to her I got to hold her briefly off and on after she was born but that hadn't got to hold her since she was transferred to the NICU. She asked me if I wanted to hold Olivia skin to skin. OF COURSE I want to hold her!! Philip goes down to our room and gets Olivia's blankets while her nurses start moving things around to be able to hand Olivia to me. We wanted to make sure she stayed warm and comfortable. Her nurse finally handed her to me, I was SO happy I cried. I was finally able to hold my baby girl again. Her stats were SO good while I was holding her, they were the best they had been since she had been in the NICU. Philip took my phone and snapped a few pictures, and then I took a couple more too. I hummed "Winnie the Pooh" to Olivia and just rocked her, snuggled, kissed, loved on and just soaked up every moment holding her. If her stats started to change, I would just start humming Winnie the Pooh to her and her stats would go back up. After about an hour of me holding her, we asked her nurse if they could help us transfer Olivia to Philip so he could hold her. There were a lot of cords hooked up to Olivia and we didn't want to mess anything up. He hadn't got to hold her at all yet and I wanted to make sure he got that bonding time with her and I was pumping every two hours to ensure my milk came in for her. Her nurse assured me my milk supply would be fine if I didn't pump at this two hour mark, that Olivia was doing really well with me holding her and I should let her stay comfortable and resting. Looking back I am so thankful that the nurse said that and I got to continue holding her, although I wish Philip had been able to hold her too. I was under the impression at the time she was getting better and that Philip could hold her while I pumped and then I would get to hold her again. I continued holding Olivia for about another thirty minutes. Soaking in this bonding time, holding her skin to skin. It was just perfect, I had her covered in her blankets and she was under my tank top with just her head and hands out. We spent a perfect hour and a half snuggling and I will forever cherish that memory! Her nurses came back over and said they were going to need to check her over and possibly need to change out her nose piece for the CPAP. They could change it to a face mask so the piece wasn't so tight on her nose, they didn't want it to start breaking skin. From THE MOMENT they took Olivia from me, things changed.. Her stats dropped and took some time to come back up. X-rays showed her lungs were hazy, meaning she wasn't getting enough oxygen. Her white blood cell count was still off, her platelet count was low at sixty thousand and she still wasn't holding her body temperature very well.  Her Dr talked with us and explained all of this and what it all meant. If her platelet levels weren't up to where they needed to be with the next test, they would need to give Olivia a blood transfusion. They explained that maybe her lungs weren't making enough surfactant, which is what keeps the lungs open and inflated. They wanted to try to go in and put surfactant in her lungs, after they explained the process, we agreed to this and signed the consent form. They gave Olivia medication to keep her comfortable and calm while they did the surfactant. They placed the surfactant and shortly after, things got worse. Olivia had a pneumothorax, basically air had escaped outside of her lungs and was in her chest cavity. There are two ways to fix this.. they can poke a needle in her chest and try to get the air off this way, if this doesn't work they can place a tube in her chest and get the air out. They were able to get some air off with the needle. They continue to try and keep Olivia stable. Philip and I left her bed side briefly while she was stable to go to our room and visit with Brock. Our family has been staying in our room with Brock so we can go back and forth between Olivia and Brock. We order our dinner and after eating we head back to the NICU. When you go into the NICU there is a "glassed" area where you have to scrub in for three minutes. From this area you can see Olivia's NICU bed, while we are scrubbing in we see Olivia's stats are dropping and the nurses are rushing over to her bed side. We too rush over to her bed side, her stats continue to drop, it gets to the point where Olivia's oxygen goes from the upper 80's to rapidly dropping to the 70's to 60's to 40's to 20's. The Dr works quickly and begins "bagging" Olivia. I couldn't believe my eyes, my baby girl is being resuscitated right in front of me. I'm so scared at this point, I can't even cry I'm in such a state of shock. Philip had to leave the room, he couldn't stay there and watch. But I couldn't leave her side, I HAD to stay with her. I know I couldn't physically do anything to help so I did the only thing I knew to do.. I prayed. I prayed so hard, please God save her, heal her, let everything be okay, help her doctors and nurses to do what it is that Olivia needs, please don't take my baby girl, please God lay your healing hands on our baby girl. Philip goes down to our room to tell our family we need prayers IMMEDIATELY, he doesn't even make it through the door before he passes out and hits the ground. I'm shaking at this point, the closest I've ever been to passing out, they are still resuscitating her, its been a few minutes, shouldn't she be okay now? One of the other nurses comes and sits with me, explaining what is going on. At this point my Dad and Grandma come in and sit with me. Her Dr tells me they need to place Olivia on a ventilator. They get the machine brought to Olivia's bedside and intubate her after they get her stable enough to begin the process. Now they are telling us Olivia has severe pulmonary hypertension, the blood vessels in her lungs are very constricted and making the oxygen/carbon dioxide exchange very difficult for Olivia. She is very sensitive to everything at this point, she doesn't like much noise and needs a very calm atmosphere. How is this happening right now, we just thought she was doing better and now things are worse than they were before. I couldn't leave her side, I NEEDED to be right there with her, I NEEDED to KNOW she was doing okay and was comfortable. We stayed with her until early in the morning, probably 2 or 3 am, I was so tired, I wanted to stay awake and stay with Olivia though. As of right now I haven't had any sleep in over 48 hours, since the night before I had Olivia. Her nurses encourage me to go to our room for a couple hours and try to sleep so I can be rested for Olivia. They promised if anything changed they would let me know right away. So I went to the room and tried to sleep, although that was almost impossible. Our family slept in the waiting room and Philip, Brock and I slept in our room. I slept off and on and kept checking on Olivia throughout the very early morning.